Last year around this time, we chopped off all our hair. This year history repeated itself. I feel like Ahab in a dingy waiting to be eaten by Moby. It’s a terrifying feeling of inevitability. It’s physics. More hair discussion to follow. Zero PNCLL coverage!

Two Flowicides in November Committed by the Same Perp

When a mechanical engineer roommate who has never ever ever touched a lacrosse stick asks, “what did you do to your flow?” you know transgressions have been made against your family.

The stories themselves are of a Shakespearean level ending in death, remorse, and agony.

2008

We were coaching a high school varsity team and in homage to the playoff beard, we grew our hair out. The season ended in a brutal first round playoff lost and we vowed not to cut our hair. Months passed and eventually we decided to return to the sideline not as a coach but as a player. It is at this point flow had become a mainstream sensation.

One evening in November, a few of us gathered for libations, Quantum of Solace, and NHL 2009 on PS3. Important note: we grew up playing NHL on XBOX but still felt superior to our competition on a different system.

Around 4am, the followed challenge was issued: our flow against our competitor having to sport a mustache like his father for a week’s time.

Mistakes had been made all evening, this was easily the greatest.

Having trouble seeing the screen clearly, the score remained tied until a fluke goal was allowed with 0:32 seconds remaining in the third.

In the real world, not a world that  has been altered by an evening with comrades, 32 seconds is plenty of time to score an equalizer in NHL especially because we were going up and yet the knife had struck hard and true. There would be no comeback this eve. We stayed true to our word.

When the final horn sounded, we marched right into the bathroom.

Before:

After:

2009

The action shot above was intended to be a reminder of the dedication it takes to achieve superior flow and the consequences of being unfaithful to your commitment.

It fills us with great sorrow to report that said photo proved to be a mere shadow of what was to come approximately one year later.

For the last four weeks, our mother badgered us for a trim siting the greasy nature of my hair regardless of showering hours prior. Funny story, in those weeks, our shampoo had been replaced with conditioner. We had been using the super exclusive Charles Worthington from London shampoo for volume and body (6.99 at CVS). Turns out our roommate was also using it and we ran out faster than expected. We asked our father for a replacement. He produced not Charles Worthington but something we assumed was shampoo.

Days later, our roommate confessed to being a Charles Worthington thief and replaced the bottle. Not wanting to waste our father’s effort we continued to use his purchase instead of the CW which was to be saved for the Christmas/New Year’s Eve holiday season.

Only yesterday did we notice our father’s shampoo was in fact conditioner…thus the greasy look.

We’re sorry Mother.

Flash back to the end of November we still refused to believe our mother that anything was wrong with our elegant locks. Went so far as to have breakfast drinks with the ex-girlfriend the Saturday after Thanksgiving. Went so far as to say our mother suggested a trim. The ex agreed. Went so far as to believe a trim might induce the ex girlfriend back into our arms.

(Listen, when you’re an English writing major, who listens to Dashboard Confessional and John Mayer, and watches The Hills rooting for Justin Bobby, occasionally your emotions outweigh cold, hard logical reasoning.)

As of October 31, our flow looked as such, keep in mind it was straightened for our halloween costume.

One month later, it looked like this:

What a beautiful, wool holiday sweater.

Three days later after that picture was taken and the afternoon following the encounter with the ex-girlfriend, in what can only be described as the greatest moment of weakness in the history of mankind, we found ourselves in a chair at Super Cuts.

Keep in mind, our mother proposed an ear adjustment.

Keep in mind, the ex desired a trim as well.

Something happened in that chair. We meant to ask for a trim. We swear.

The Return of the Flow Side

How do we get it back after a flowicide?

WikiAnswers suggests the following tips:

“Mane-N-Tail shampoo is used to make hair grow faster.”

“Stress also thins your hair and does not help the growth of your hair.”

“Increase blood flow by gently massaging the scalp. Eat plenty of leafy green vegetables and plenty of protein. Soy (i.e., tofu) and a variety of beans are a good source of protein. Drink plenty of water. Stay away from drugs and alcohol. Stick to a healthy diet. This regimen should be followed for several months, as hair only grows about a half-inch per month.”

“The best advice I can give you is proper nutrition. Eat food rich in protein (like eggs) and as much fruits and vegetables as you can.”

Looks like a whole lot of patience  and a keg of Mane-N-Tail shampoo will be on the top of our Christmas list.

Favorite Attackman (therefore players) with Zero Flow

Not that flow was a huge trend in the early 2000s, these two teammates sported their  hur short.

Sean Hartofilis

This man possessed some of the smoothest hands ever and when only three games were shown on ESPN in those days, we had no choice but to be mesmerized by the 2 hour performance he put on during the 2001 semifinal game against Towson. The first time he dropped his hands low and the ball laser beam zingo-ed to the corner our mouth dropped open.

Hartofilis scored 4 goals against the Yellow Tigers each one prettier than the next including the game winner (see celebration above.)

For a week after the Towson game, we only shot low to high lefty. Results were disastrous.

Buy the video here.

Ryan Boyle

Coach Tierney called Boyle the smartest lacrosse player he’s ever coached.

Holy.

How important is Ryan Boyle to our lacrosse career? If he doesn’t find BJ Prager on the crease in overtime against Syracuse in 2001, we never start playing a game that has meant such much to our lives. Ryan Boyle made us want to play lacrosse thus this blog doesn’t exist without him. (See 1:05 for the goods.) Believe that.

Matthew Danowski

Danowski’s hair length is the inverse of his career points total.

Manicured short hair <  bushels of points.

He takes over the highlight package from 1:55 to 2:25.

If he isn’t already, Danowski will likely be the best player to ever play the college game never to win a title.

Danowski apparently hates long hair more than he hates Brine helmets. Only a few people on Duke’s roster were blessed with this privilege and he was one of them. Not even saying we don’t like Brine helmets. We think they are fantastic. We are more enamored with the fact that a college kid, as if he was Jordan’s son, told people what he was going to wear. And, they listened.

The Evolution of Flow

When will the flow craze die?

Never? Next season?

Maybe we’re secretly hoping it fades out by January 29th because our hur won’t be ready.

Fun 412 Fact.

Female Pittsburgh Penguins fans refer to Chris Letang’s hair as “sex hair.” Do we prefer that moniker to flow?

Sex hair in action.

History back up story of this photo. It’s the celebration following his game winner against the Capitals in Game 3 of the Stanley Cup Playoffs. We were there. Don’t believe us?

Letang 55 being celebrated upon at the glass.

Probably should have been nicer to the girl that took us to that game. Six months to make it up to her. Woooooo

New Music from Princeton’s Johnathan Meyers

New Kobes (via Nikebasketball twitter)

Available in Foot Locker January 16

During the promo event for the release of his new shoes Kobe said, “To win a championship, you have to play defense and you have to rebound. Period.”

What are the two most important things you have to do to win a lacrosse championship?

Our two are ground balls  and clearing.

Look no further than the 2009 NCAA D1 title for evidence.
Syracuse radio guys Brian Higgins and Kyle Fetterly on the call. One of those guys was crocked out of his mind. Woo! Woo!

Notes

Cornell STX gear (LPG)

Another fantastic article on defense (Lax.com)

Retro interview with Boyle and Hartofilis (Daily Princetonian)

Of course Tom’s first kid with Gisele would be a boy. (Pink is the New Blog)