Spotted: the 2004 Wooster Fighting Scots team picture. The last team picture the program has taken for some reason. 412 Lax all over the picture. If we didn’t have to wear Gait gloves, we never would have transferred. The ugliest dye job ever. Tim Tebow wishes he was Matt Stafford.

The Bothered Series

(Inspired by Jimmy Fallon’s Robert Pattinson character, aimed at major disappoints in the lacrosse world).

Courtesy of Lacrosse Playground:

Gait Lacrosse, a division of Jarden Inc. that includes sporting goods brands such as Rawlings, Worth, Miken, JT Sports, Licensed Products and deBeer, said Bryan Bendig has joined the Gait lacrosse team as the Grassroots Marketing Manager. Bendig will report to Ren Petinelli, business director, for deBeer/Gait. Bendig will be responsible for the Gait Grass Roots Program nationwide.

“We’re proud to have Bryan on our team; both his field lacrosse and indoor lacrosse experience will benefit us in the market place,” said Ren Petinelli, business director.

Prior to joining Gait lacrosse, Bryan played professional lacrosse for six years, as well as, collegiately for the University of Hartford.

Bendig holds a Bachelor of Science in Education from the University of Hartford.

Is this press release real life?

A grass roots director?

Call it a gross roots director because their products are garbage. Just when they  can’t possibly making something uglier or dumber they go for it 100%.

This ad is in the Elevation Lacrosse catalog.

Something seems off. Take a closer look at the ‘model.’

Questions

Why is he wearing the same shoulder pads as Master Chief from Halo?

Why is the helmet significantly off center?

Did they pay someone to do come up with this ad?

Are children running Gait?

Granted its not the emo campaign that Warrior employs, but its quite clear Don Draper did not speak with Gait before they printed this ad.

Every major lacrosse brand has a team of pro players pushing their stuff.

Warrior has Danowski, Schwartzman, Boyle. Rabil is on Maverik’s team. Brine has that homeless guitar player, Nims, and Woodson. STX has a few guys we don’t care about.

Here’s the point. We know who those players are and what brands they represent.

Gait used to have Poskay and Ward but Ward is out of the MLL and Poskay isn’t a top 5 option on his own team let alone a star player. Not sure if either of them are sponsored Gait players now or not, the point is it doesn’t matter.

The only reason people in the lacrosse community talk about Gait equipment is because it is so offensively ugly.

Every decision they make is the wrong one.

Releasing last year’s gloves this year because they weren’t available last year.

Not having a pro player team.

Not emailing me back when I asked about custom gloves.

Not pushing their NCAA legal head, the very gross, the very middle of the road, Showtime. Had to go to three different retailers before we that head.

Not pushing their NCAA only head, the very gross, the very couldn’t care less, Flow.

Having the worst product names in the history of branding. Showtime. Mutant X. Flow.

Wait, did they name their helmet with 27 bicycle straps and their stick the same thing? Great idea.

Go back to the drawing board. Throw it out. Buy yourself a new one.

Good luck to grass roots program director Bryan Bendig, you’re going to need so much help.

Matt Stafford, Super Hero Ish

NFL Films said this was “the most dramatic player wiring ever” — and NFL Films has wired more than 350 players since 1965.

Highlights

• Culpepper sulking at 1:37
• What the coach says to him at 1:47
• Mangini pretending to coach at 3:26
• Everything that happens after 3:45
• Specifically 4:36, “Help me up. I can throw the ball if you need me to throw the ball.”

Dye Job Gone Wild

So the idea was to have a royal blue and yellow stick. Couple things went wrong.

The first stick I ever dyed was neon green, purple, and navy. This was 2001. I later spray painted it white. The spray paint eventually chipped off.

Never have I ever…had a pretty stick.

Sure it fits nicely now.

Heat it up like Gaga.

It is at this point when I should have paid attention. That is the yellow dye. Not sure why its brown, but it is.

Considering that I haven’t dyed anything in 6 years my timing was a little off.

It is in this moment that I panic because that resembles orange. Instead of maybe taking a time out, the ship presses onward.

I’m sorry did you say something about best intentions?

I wanted to dye the top half blue.

And despite realizing that the stick was left in the yellow dye for far too long, the same mistake was again made with the blue dye.

Try midnight navy.

Try obsidian.

Try black.

Not royal blue.

It is in this moment, where I’ve had enough and dump the whole thing, producing this masterpiece.

These two pictures don’t do the hideousness justice but I fear my readership will plummet if I display any further photographic evidence.

Two options, take her out to the shed and shoot her or dye it black.

The best part of the experience was dying my useless Proton. I dyed that after I dyed the above Evo Pro X6. Of course it turned out perfectly.

Looking forward to the redemption tour. Or, paying someone else to do it.

Only a Cold Spring Harbor player headed to Duke could make Reebok gloves look good.

This delicious meal is called “The Morning After.”

Ingredients: two hot dogs, seven eggs, and cheese, traditionally a potato of some sort is thrown into the slop but we lacked that unit this morning.

Notes

• Tomorrow, the “Bothered” series continues with a familiar face.
• Tomorrow, the final roster spots for our fantasy lacrosse team are announced.
• We located a new .gif that we are anxiously awaiting to reveal