At war with the University, no Waterloo experienced. Goal Celebration Analysis. Let’s Lax.

If you closely follow our twitter you know about yesterday’s meeting with the Dean.

If you missed it, you’re an ignoramus. Here is the play by play via HTC Peep technology.

Thanks for the support guys.

May 2010 graduation confirmed. It’s been quite the journey.

2010 Academic Schedule

We tried to make magic happen with no class Fridays but alas we were forced to pick up a poli sci lecture.

Fortunately its relatively early in the morning so we can get in a shoot around before home games or make the bus for road trips.

Intro to Poetry Writing Monday/Wednesday 3:00-4:15PM

Senior Seminar in Fiction Writing Tuesday 6:00-8:30PM

Natural Disasters Tuesday/Thursday 2:00-2:50PM Wednesday 1:00-1:50PM

Intro to Logic Monday/Wednesday 12:00-12:50PM Thursday 11:00-11:50AM

Cold War: Soviet Union and West 1917-1991 Monday/Wednesday/Friday 10:00-10:50AM

Gotta have our Russian history.

One professor has a Ph.d from Harvard and another has a Ph.d from Columbia. Looking forward to matching wits with talented aged profs.

To flaunt or not to flaunt. Tale as old as time.

Celebrating is a fickle mistress especially in lacrosse when one can easily score three plus goals a game.

Should you have a different celebration per goal? Should you use the same celebration for each goal?

Last year we went with the classic frozen mid level fist pump following goals.

We would then proceed to walk towards the nearest teammate for a hug or high five. (See 3:52 for motion capture)

The only exception of that rule was the first goal of the season which we scored in overtime. Following the goal hitting the back of the old onion bag, we picked ourselves off the ground after a hit, dodged the few offensive players already on the field, and sprinted away from the scene of the crime until our sideline mobbed us at the opposite 40.

Now if you were a Pitt fan you were euphoric. If you were a Western Michigan fan, you probably were disappointed by the loss but were in no way offended by the victory sprint.

Therein lies the crux of our problem. How do you display your happiness for scoring a goal without embarrassing the opposition?

Keep this definition in mind. A premeditated celebration is one that lasts longer than three seconds and appears choreographed and heavily practiced.

Our general celebration commandments:

1. If you are not a top 3 goal scorer, you can never execute a premeditated celebration. Give a fist pump or two, hug a teammate, and jog off the field if you’re a middie.

1a. Exception. If you are not a top 3 scorer but you tally the winning goal on a particular sweet finish, you are permitted to step outside the realm of a normal celebration.

2. Never respond to unsolicited taunting following a goal. Example, last season against Connecticut on man up, one of our shooters missed the cage. A player from Connecticut’s sideline screamed, “swing and a miss.” Problem one is referencing baseball. Problem two is you’re on the sideline in a game between two slightly higher than middle of the road club lacrosse teams. Problem three is you’re on the sideline.

Problem four is we scored on the very next shot. (Video Coverage fast forward to 3:27 for the heckle)

The incorrect response by the Pitt goal scorer would have been to turn around and haze their bench.

3. Times when you can respond to on field heckling from a goalie. In the real world, most lacrosse goalies are husky kids with loud mouths and minimal social graces. They talk, scream, shout, and bark all game. Sometimes that noise is directed at shooters while the ball is at the other end of the field or following a relatively easy save.

It is acceptable to celebrate in response after scoring a goal although you must be subtle. Reccomendations: stare the goalie down following a time and room goal or fist pump in the imaginary cylinder that extends above the crease following an in tight goal so that the keeper feels doubly violated. The key here is to execute the celebration quickly as not to draw attention to yourself or a flag happy ref, who may or may not be a 49 year old single man living in his mother’s basement, will consider your actions offensive and throw you in the box.

If you don’t have a subtle bone in your body, in other words if there isn’t much ice in your veins, go celebrate with a teammate because you will never pull this maneuver off.

3a. Exception. If you are losing by more than 5 goals late in the 4th quarter do not respond to the goalie. Accept the fact that your team is losing and the goalie is a dick.

3b. Exception. If you are losing by more than 10 at any time in the game do not respond to the goalie. Accept the fact that your team needs to go back to the drawing board and the goalie is a dick.

3c. Exception. If you are feeling godlike, do nothing. Reacting may only rile him up which might further ruin the experience for fans who have to endure more insecure shouting from a tubby 19 year old boy.

4. Times when you can respond to on field heckling from your defender. Nothing says top of the food chain like when a defender talks to his opposition when the ball is at the other end of the field. “So who have you guys played this year?” I don’t know man. Look it up online or in a book.

Some defenders go a different route when waiting for their chance to square up again. We first heard about this in the mid 2000s thanks to meat head poles from Ohio Wesleyan. In a surprisingly smart move for OWU kids, their poles would cleat, poke, and prod their attackmen while the ball and the refs were on the other side of the field. Its difficult to go hard one on one after your Achilles tendon has been stepped on repeatedly or you’ve caught a butt end to the back of the knee when you least expected.

For this reason, we never stand still when the ball the is at the other end. Not trying to get shanked by a club lacrosse player with nothing to live for.

Like the scenario involving the blabber mouth goalie, celebrating a goalie after a defender has been riding you all day is a slippery slope. Don’t point at him after you score because he will chop your arm off like as if he was an Iceland blue liner and you were Adam Banks. Again the recommendations are subtle gestures. The celebration should be an intimate moment between you and him in which you remind him that, “yes in fact, I can and will score on you.”

4a. See 3a.

4b. See 3b.

4c. See 3c.

5. Don’t imitate drug use or violence in you celebration.

5a. Exception. Unless you are sheathing your pistols.

5b. Exception. Swordplay is permitted and awesome, but risky and should not directed at the goalie, your defender, the opposing team’s bench, or opposing team’s fans. Unless your Chi Chi Rodriguez. A more successful celebration would be to just sheath your sword.

6. Unless its the 1000th goal of your college career, never, ever, ever, celebrate a single season goal milestone.

7. Never celebrate a game winning goal in front of a defender or a thousand nations of the Persian Army will descend upon you.

8. Celebrations shall never include sexual dancing or representations phallic imagery. Get a grip.

9. Don’t watch ESPN’s 30 for 30 film The U before a game because all of these rules will vanish.

10. It’s a pretty big net. Don’t execute a celebration that you wouldn’t want someone else to do later in the game.

Our likely celebration for the 2010 season.

Jagr salute.

Or a fraction of the Single Ladies dance.

Bare in mind goal scorers, some of the hardest celebrations are often the simplest as we showcased yesterday.

Expect to see a lot of Jersey Shore fist pumping this spring.

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This is getting ugly for Eric Chin

Road trip to Georgetown?

Don’t forget to bring your ironic neon clothing apparel.

Chill out Coach

Find the unfortunate spelling error

Young Stunner Flow

Notes

Wall Ball @ LAX sick video find (LPG)

Practice starts in 5 days

Luca Caputi recalled for the Penguins. What a name

New Miley sub 18 talent is so fickle

Wall ball challenge announcement later today